My weightloss

Thursday, October 20, 2011

hunger pains.. loving it!

today was good.
fasted until dinner and ate total of 31 cal.. just wasn't hungry, played alot with my food and then got away with just taking 3 tiny bites.
and then my dad force fed me a teaspoon of icecream.

he's always worrying about my eating habits, he's the first person to suspect somethings up.
somehow i like that he notices.
 like when i lost around 45 lbs in under a month, nobody noticed. not really. from the attention i got, people probably thought i lost 10 lbs max.. 
i think that's the reason why i don't see any difference. when i look at the mirror i still see a 176 lbs girl.

ah, anyways.. i set a daily limit of 200 cal in MyFitnessPal.. after today i have 266 cal in the bank.
thinking about grabbing a little snack, since my plan tomorrow is a fast :)

ciao x

oh baby you got me going so insane, and i just don't know whats going on.

last few days have been really busy, but still not busy. 
school everyday(when i bother to go), then meetings and work every single day.

i spend most of my time discovering new music, mostly rediscovering, and reading.
i forgot how much i loved it, music and reading. 
i feel like i lost myself and now i'm finding myself again.

i fasted 36 hours and then ate some kiwi, strawberries and dry noodles(wierd huh? but it has been one of my favorite snacks since i was little and too impatient to cook them).

stepped on the scale this morning and i've lost 6.6 lbs.. good i guess, but i'm not really feeling any thrill, probably cause this is a number i've seen way too many times, but always loose grip of it.

tonight is some family dinner, so i've got to eat something then, but i'll be late so i probably get away with eating just a tiny portion, fasting until then.

on saturday is my moms birthday, i'm guilty for feeling pleased about working nearly all day. i get off at work around 4 and she goes to some party around six, so only 2 hours to worry about.
i'm suckers for birthdays, always feel like i have to eat to make the kid and parents happy. twisted, but don't know how to explain it.

i'll blog soon x

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


after following doctors orders and eating healthy i stepped on the scale and reached the highest weight i've been in months! i'm furious!

so now i'm on a fierce liquid diet.. green tea, coffee, water and vitamins. nothing else.

can't just sit here feeling sorry for myself.
no matter how weak and miserable i feel, i won't stop.


Thursday, October 13, 2011

4 and a half pound with no effort..

i'm so confused.. i was doing that candy "diet" but then i realized midterms were coming up, and i was so miserable and always sleeping and had no time to study. and after going to the doctors after having stomach pains for weeks he gave me some pills and said that i should try for a few weeks not to skip meals.
yeah right! me not skipping meals.. that's impossible. 
but i decided to do it. always eat breakfast and lunch. i haven't really eaten breakfast since i was 9, which was the year my ED developed.
I also put me some guidelines:

  • no skipping meals, even though "you're not hungry", just get an apple, cry baby.
  • try to eat as healthy as you can.
  • don't deny yourself food, if you want something, get just a little bit of it
  • no coffee, now it's green tea time
  • no counting calories
its completely different than i'm used to, but i haven't binged on fatty foods and i'm always full.

in just 2 days i've lost 4.6 lbs.. from 147.9 to 143.3.

i'm too confused.

my newest obsession, arms;

and two inspiring before and after pics:

this one is just amazing.. 


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Mission candy: day 2 + lots of thinspo pics!

heey sweeties, so sorry i haven't been really active lately, just been too busy and always putting things off.

anyways, doing a new thing right now, not gonna call it a diet.. its kind of unusual.. but my best friend lost 25 lbs in about 3 weeks doing this.

well, it involves candy.. just candy. all i can eat is candy, candy, candy! and drink soda. already getting sick of it.
don't know my weight, been really scared to step on the scale.. though i'm guessing i'm around 147.. 

keeping my mind occupied by watching hollyoaks, actually hannah's story.

but on another note, oh god, i'm so falling in love with my boyfriend.. we only get to meet each other every other weekend, but when we do it's wonderful, just fantastically cute and comfortable and heartwarming. i live for these weekends. 
just have to put up with my job 'till new years, and then i can finally move, and be with him.

getting sick of this town.. been losing friends because of my ex best friend. [shortstory; she's a bitch who cheated on her boyfriend who lives for her, and just because i knew she stopped talking to me, and now she's coming up with stories about me and i guess people are buying them]
there's nothing for me here, only have to finish school and save up money to have a sweet life, far away from here.

but anywhos, plenty of thinspo to make up for not blogging lately.
black&white theme ftw! enjoy x