My weightloss

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I'm back!

so.. the festival was great! a lot of binge drinking and sadly only eating junk food :o
but my mom came from denmark on sunday, so just today i could start my diet again, after finishing all the candy and cheeses :')
but on friday i weighed 140.6 lbs and this morning i weighed 145 :s but thats still a lot less then i thought it would be, so i haven't been eating today, and hopefully not tomorrow either, but on the third day i will probably eat something cus i noticed that i loose much more and keep it off by not eating for 2 days, and then letting myself eat a little , it also helps me with my cravings to think about that i can eat on the third day without feeling guilty :)

and yeah, i was talking to my friend, who as always been the skinniest one in the group, and always been under 117 lbs and always made me jealous and i've always wanted to be thinner than her.. but i just found out that she has been gaining alot of weight, this morning she was 135 lbs.. i feel kinda guilty that this makes me super happy :$ i just like thinking about how skinny she looks and still she's only 10 lbs lighter than me :$
awww.. anyways.. going on a guilt trip by thinking like that, shes my best friend :(

sooooo.. decided to stop smoking... just like an half an hour ago .. just because i have no money :') probably wont last.. i'll end up by asking my mom for some change :') 
gosh i hate nicotine gum, it burns my throat :( 

okay, i've decided.. gonna go ask mum for money 

enough of my rumbling..
i'll see you tomorrow sweethearts 

btw, am i the only one that things pt isn't as good as it used to be? i don't even like visiting it lately :/

Thursday, August 11, 2011

So ashamed..

been eating.. not much, but still unhealthy..
haven't stepped on the scale yet.. afraid it will be around 147 lbs.. lost everything then.

i've been really depressed lately.. not only being lonely, but also because of my boyfriend, well or ex boyfriend, we'll find out this weekend.
so i guess i'm an emotional eater. hating it. hate trying to replace that lonely feeling with food.
just so insecure right now.

wanted to keep you posted, though i wasn't sure if i should blog, so very very ashamed.

good luck darlings x

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

i just wanna see myself skinny.

01:27 am over here, so the day is over.
weighed myself this morning, didn't sleep at all last night so i stepped on the scale 6 am and it read 146.8 lbs.
after a whole day of fasting and really no exercise i've gone down to 142.6, 4.2 lbs ! 
i lose weight pretty quickly, as you can see but i also put on weight really quickly. though most of this is water weight, it still counts.
eh, not in a blogging mood, just wanted to share :)

good luck to you all x

Monday, August 8, 2011

first day home alone, and oh so lonely..

12:26 am..
today was not a good day..
although i'm proud it wasn't as bad as it could have been.
didn't weigh myself cus i ate a little before sleep so i wouldn't binge, and didn't want to look at the scale and maybe think everything is ruined.
so i woke up with my 4 year old cousin screaming in my ear about how he missed me, so i got up and saw my whole family was here.. had a nice get to gather before i wen't to work but i ate 2 slices of whole wheat bread with butter and cheese :( also a little chocolate thingy which i am not sure what was, and i really don't think i wanna know. but that still wasn't as bad as it could have been as my family was trying to shower me with food and goodies since they were leaving me again so soon.
got to work and well, i work at a groceries shop/gas station/fast food sort of thingy, and the stuff i get free, wow, unhealthy heaven.. ice cream, doughnuts, hamburgers, sandwiches and french fries.. as much i can eat. 
so, i started craving icecream.. and i gave in. but it was so bad, after one teaspoon i had to run to the toilet to get it all out, i was the only one who found that sour taste.. ick.
and then for dinner i had a sandwich :( like the most fattening one available, 2 slices of ham with 2 slices of cheese on each one of them. so all in all, 2 slices ham, 4 slices cheese and french fries.. argh!
as you can see, i'm horribly addicted to cheese.

but i'm really happy this didn't turn into a binge day.. 
when i have those days i stuff my self, not once.. but all freaking day.
not sure if i should weigh myself in the morning.. maybe as a punishment?
one thing is for sure.. tomorrow i'm gonna fast.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

looking forward to tomorrow !

just stepped of the scale.. have in mind its 12.08 am here.. and it said 143.3 lbs :) 0.7 lbs down since this morning.
didn't do any exercise like i said this morning, right after blogging i crashed.
i have a bad feeling about tomorrows weigh in, but still looking forward to it..
didn't eat anything today, just coffee and a fat burner(only one because i'm running out and broke)..
worked all day, on my feet.. always running around, should count for something, right?

143.3 lbs is my nemesis.. i always get stuck around there.. but not this time.
mom and dad leaving tomorrow so nobody is here to force me to eat the next few days :)

but i'm still really paranoid over 130 lbs.. only 13 lbs to go, but.. i don't really know how to put this..
everytime i come close, or reach 130 lbs, i lose it.. my mind says over and over again "you've come this far, one bite won't hurt" or "this is the best you will ever do, just accept being the fat one".. 
but even so, i'm not ready to give up.. i'm not happy yet.

i should do a P90X before sleep, and some crunches.. maybe some sit ups.. 
god knows i need it.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

oh giddy giddy! + thinspo pics

just stepped off the scale: 144 lbs, bwah, 2 and a half pounds since yesterday ^^,
my next goal weight is 136.6 lbs or 62 kg.. calculated that at that rate i will be there in 3 days ! :D
aaaah, i'm so excited ! its 7:20 am over here and haven't slept at all, but now i'm just really energetic and i'm gonna do a P90X exercise and then go swimming before i take a little nap before my first day back at work ! :)

here some thinspo pics cause i'm in such a great mood (:

love love love how her legs look good in the tights !

legs to die for

want her hat, hair and jacket !

want that stomach!

my favorite :)

Friday, August 5, 2011

come on pansy! i'm thirsty.

I just realized i'm looking forward to the winter. Of course i will miss the summer, but this summer has sucked some serious baby seal balls.
I miss clothes that cover my body, so people just wonder if i'm fat or just wearing many layers.
I miss seeing my friends, and chilling at school.
I miss learning. but i will stop missing it the first day of school.
I miss having something to do everyday.

I also miss being so busy that i forget to eat.

Starting my new job tomorrow.. its also my old job. i hate that job.
But i'm shit broke so gotta settle for something. God, i wish they had prostitution in my town.

I also need to read more, i have tons of books that i haven't finished and everytime i start, something interrupts me. like flies. i hate flies. why can't flies just be flies outside?

rambling, time to stop.
also, i'm really picky on thinspo pics so you better like it bitches!

10 confessions.

Weight: 146.6, but its lower, drank alot of water and did the weigh in the middle of the day (y)
Mood: like everything is gonna work out :)
Music: animal - Miike Snow

saw this on pretty thin, 10 confessions, but this one is only diet related.

1. I eat alot when i'm bored.
2. I think i have hypothyroidism but i'm afraid to tell anyone if they put me on medication and i'll gain weight.
3. I sometimes eat after midnight, but when i do i never tell anyone, not even blog about it. (by telling you this i hope that will change)
4. My best motivation to lose weight is to make people jealous..
5. I wish i had self control.
6. I give up way too easily.
7. My mom seems to buy my favorite foods only when i'm restricting. hence rule #6.
8. Every item of my clothing is too small.
9. It took me a long time to realize I had ED, i always thought i was a wannabe ana.
10. I've never been able to wear a bikini.

Now it's your turn.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

break up diet?

Weight: trying to weigh myself every two days so new stats tomorrow
Mood: creative
Music: you dont love me-the kooks

just ate some chicken, otherwise nothing today :) 
see, i'm not much of an exercise person, i hate jogging, running, weights and whatever.. thats how i imagine hell to be like.. but everytime i start to move the pounds come flying off, but i also have asthma attacks when i start running, i dont have asthma, but when i workout i do.. 

i just wish i didn't live in such a small town, then i could do some yoga or some shit.. the only thing we have here is a crappy gym and a bullshit pool that costs way too much to go swimming.. and i'm broke. i haven't gone swimming for 2 years, believe it or not.

i also broke up with my boyfriend last friday. i think i just did it so he would appreciate me more, such a stupid idea. and yeah, i know that i shouldn't diet for him, stop whining.. i just dream of seeing his face when he sees how thin i am. and then he pulls me close to me and we have a romantic kiss in the middle of the street. yeah, i'm a daydreamer.
 when we just started dating i was around 136 lbs and when we broke up i was 152.. 16 freaking pounds, thats just unnatural. didn't really notice it until last week. his scale takes off 11 lbs, so when i lived with him i noticed nothing, and all we ate was something fatty cause it was cheaper, blurgh.

you know that creepy scene in romantic movies were the girl finds his t-shirt and starts smelling it and holding it close up to her.. yeah, that really sad girl was me last night. 

i miss him.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

a pic of me?

Weight: i was 145 lbs this morning.. which is kinda good since i was 153 last tuesday. 
Mood: numb
Music: the cave-mumford and sons

I really hate my body.. every single ounce of fat goes to my lower stomach, its like my body knows i'm trying my best to lose that part, so it puts everything i eat or drink right there.. my body hates me.

i was thinking about posting a picture of me, but only if i can get brutal honesty, thats what motivates me the most.. think you can be brutally honest?

haven't eaten anything today.. just alot of coffee.. and cleaned the whole house and read, which is so not me.. i think i'm terminally ill.

so, i threw a party last weekend, and this really annoying creepy boy crashed it and i switched on my bitch mode and well, you really don't wanna piss me off.. so he left after a lot of bitching and after he found out that nobody there was happy with boys hitting girls, so he decided to get back at me by puking all over the place, faceplanting into my window and breaking my fence (y) 

bwah, i'm just too tired to blog, but felt like i had to since i decided to delete all the old posts.